i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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