Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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