yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
