She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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