first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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