everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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