You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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