make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
