I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
