Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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