And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
