I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
