I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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