do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
