before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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