This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
