It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
