I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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