we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
