hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
