So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
