just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
