i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
