he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
