We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
