I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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