last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
