dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
