My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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