dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
