why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
