yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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