i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
