if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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