Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
