Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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