you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
