when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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