uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
farters have to be the big spoon...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
