The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
