We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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