Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
