How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
