Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
