Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
