There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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