When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
