I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
