READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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