i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
