So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
